Transitions are hard. Even when you’re close to set, and there are few worries for you, and you’ve found what you love, transitioning gracefully is hard.
I spent the last three-ish months living something close to my dream life. I was working at the Eastman House, expanding my mind, making music again, cozy in The Chill Cave I, and raging with the Shark Tank. I found new likes, I ate outside at least three times a week, and even crappy days were spent with people who love and support me.
So being back in Alfred, I am finding myself feeling a little empty. Most everyone was talking about how much they missed Alfred and how badly they wanted to get back, but in a way, I was so busy with this amazing life that i’d built for myself, that going back was not the first thing on my mind.
I found myself falling in like with a wonderful post-rock boy, and the music I heard and made was twee as fuck, lushly orchestrated pop, reminiscent of Van Dyke Parks and summer blondes smoking joints on the beach.
Lo, life was good, brother. Life was good.
Now I’m cooped up in this cell of a room, sterile and echoing. It smells like my grandmother’s house in here.
I’m blasting the summer jamz of ’10, I’m wrapping things in ribbons, and covering things in hearts, and I just can’t seem to brighten the damn place up. My tiny window barely lets any light in, and my view is of a brick wall.
And this is what Alfred feels like for me. Solitary confinement pretending to be something else.
I jam out my Son Lux, (ironically, my favorite song is called Betray) and the music is sexually tense, lavish, and lonely. If the music had a flavor, it would be Karo Syrup and sweat. If it had a smell, it would be garam masala. It’s worn maroon velvet walls, and gold fleur de lis. It reminds me of lazy evenings with post-rock boy, sipping beers on his sofa, watching not to burn our fingers, him sitting not close enough, reading books out loud to each other, and walking as slowly as possible back to my house together.
I want No Bummer Summer back. I want No Bummer Forever to be here.